Hell
by Lucillia
Summary: An elderly Naruto has a seal blow up in his face and gets a brief glimpse of his idea of Hell...


"Mom!" a red haired, blue-eyed teenager yelled. "Great-Great-Grandpa's trying to make seals again!"

"You took the ink and brush away I hope." the girl's mother called back.

"He's using blood!" the girl yelled.

The mother raced from the kitchen and into her Great-grandfather's bedroom, but it was too late. There was a brilliant flash, and one Uzumaki Naruto was gone.

&!&!&!&

Naruto blinked, and the world around him came into focus, well as much as it did at his age. It seemed that the afterlife was a nondescript motel room, and that all aches, pains, and old age didn't vanish upon death. Pity. When that seal blew up in his face, he had been hoping that the afterlife would take care of his hip.

There was a knock on his door, hopefully it would be a guide through the afterlife who would tell him what it had all been about.

"Hang on, hang on, I'm coming. I'm not as young as I used to be you know." he said as he shuffled towards the door.

When he opened the door it was to find a vaguely familiar man with black hair and red eyes. Sharingan eyes. He'd forgotten alot about his early years, but he'd know this person anywhere. Well, that explained everything.

"Crap." he said. "I'm in Hell."

"What makes you say that?" the man who had started apologizing about getting the wrong room asked.

"Well, you're here Sasuke, and after I killed you when you tried to destroy Konoha for the third time, I was pretty sure that's where you'd end up." he replied.

"Sasuke? Killed...?" Sasuke said in that almost unemotional tone he recognized which was faintly tinged with confusion.

"Did they wipe your memory or something Teme? I killed you almost a century ago." he said. This was getting nowhere, and his guide through hell was apparently a few noodles short of a bowl of ramen, but then again that was an improvement, since Sasuke used to be an entire entree short of a combo platter. Maybe he was going to be reincarnated soon. He pitied the unlucky sods who would become his parents.

"And you are?" Sasuke asked.

"They really did wipe your memory. It's me Naruto, Jackass." he replied.

Sasuke blinked and stared at him in a really creepy manner as he studied him.

"Exactly why did you kill me Naruto?" Sasuke asked, apparently having had his I.Q. lowered several ponts along with the memory wipe.

"Hmmm. I forgot alot of it, but basically, you went crazier than you already were after Itachi died, and swore to destroy Konoha when you joined up with that whack job Madara. You came close to destroying the place a couple of times, but I defeated you in the end. I kinda had to since I was the Rokudaime Hokage since that whole Danzo thing didn't count since he was only an acting Hokage." he replied, hoping he didn't have to repeat himself.

"I see..." Sasuke said. "So what exactly led up to me joining Madara?"

"You know what? Screw this I don't have the patience to explain everything, Iruka-sensei told it much better than I ever could anyways." he said, fishing through his clothes for his storage scroll full of possessions he hadn't wanted the kids stealing from him. Since he was wearing the same thing he died in, it should be there.

It was. He opened the scroll, and got out the book that Iruka-sensei had written on the events surrounding the Fourth Shinobi War before he died, and chucked it at Sasuke's head. It nearly hit him in the eye, but he caught it at the last second. It seemed that his aim hadn't deteriorated half as badly as the grandkids had claimed.

Sasuke quickly flipped through the book, pausing at the picture section which he flipped through slightly more slowly, before rapidly flipping through the rest of the book.

"Hnnn." Sasuke said when he had apparently finished. Now that was something he recognized.

"So, are you gonna..." he started before there was a bright flash and he found himself on the floor of his old bedroom with one of the grandkids giving him CPR.

"You are so back in the will." he said when he could speak.

"Huh?" the grandkid said.

"You just rescued me from from the deepest corner of hell." he replied. "It was completely awful. Not only were the surroundings the most boring thing I could think of, but the one epic rematch I always wanted was ruined by the fact that I was still old, and somebody thought it would be funny to wipe Sasuke's memory."

&!&!&!&

A certain history book closed with a snap after the final page was turned. The person who had leafed through it would be able to process the information at his leisure later, since he would remember every mark on every page for the rest of his life. That would be necessary, considering what would have to happen to this book lest it fall into the wrong hands, such as those of the man standing nearby, a man who was far too loyal to the wrong person.

"Hey Itachi, what's the hold-up?" Hoshigaki Kisame asked from his position down the hall.


End file.
